A prince wanted to find a maiden suitable to be his queen. One day while running an errand in the local village for his father, he passed through the poorest neighbourhood. As he glanced out the windows of the carriage, his eyes fell upon a beautiful peasant maiden. During the ensuing days he often passed by the young lady and soon fell in love.

However, the prince had a problem. How would he seek her hand? He could order her to marry him. Yet even a prince wants his bride to marry him freely and voluntarily and not through coercion. He could perhaps put on his most splendid uniform and drive up to her front door in a carriage drawn by six horses. Though, if he did this, he would never be certain that the maiden loved him or was simply overwhelmed by his fanciful clothing.

The prince came up with another solution. He would give up his kingly robe. He moved, into the village, entering not with a crown but in the garb of a peasant. He lived among the people, shared their interests and concerns, and spoke their language. In time the maiden grew to love him, simply, because of who he was.

As the CDPB Fellowship Programme continued this past week I found myself reflecting on the story above while travelling on the train to Dublin. It’s a story I used to tell when doing talks in schools. As I look back on the story now it takes me back to the message of Professor Tom Fletcher while at the Fellowship Programme’s seminal residential at the University of Oxford, on the need to lead by the head, heart and the hand. Or rather, as he so eloquently put it, “Be kind. Be curious. Be brave.”

We are living in a time of the greatest contradictions. We have never before in human history been so connected, yet not only have we spent the last two years isolated from each other, but we are also living in a time in which we have never been so divided. We live in a time when difference is not something to cherish but something to fear; you are either with us or against us. Nowhere has this been so illustrated than in the United States of America, having come through a period of the most traumatic turbulence and polarisation. I don’t think we even fully grasp the consequences of these last five years yet and the impact they have had on people’s lives. We see ever more pressure on our young people to excel in their academic subjects, yet when they graduate there isn’t a job to be had.

As the CDPB Programme continued in the UCD Smurfit Business School on Thursday past we had some more terrific contributions from leaders par excellence. Tim O’Connor whose career in diplomacy has been nothing short of awe inspiring, Eoghan Duffy who is working to develop the Shared Island Unit, and Sinead McSweeney who is one of Ireland’s leading lights in communications.

Each of these leaders gave valuable insight into qualities of leadership that are needed more than ever in our age today to build a sustainable future; relationships, trust and the capacity to find common ground. Combine these three together and I believe the end result is summarised simply as Empathy.

How in a world of division does a leader lead with empathy? In an age of social media in which every view is both totally valid and totally discardable, how does a leader establish trust? These are the questions I have been grappling with since the Fellowship Programme began. They are also questions that I have not reached a final conclusion on either!

However, as I do reflect on them I am reminded of that which was so beautifully spoken by Gandhi (someone I have referred back to on numerous occasions!). He said “I am a Muslim, and a Hindu, and a Christian and a Jew!”. This statement would have provoked quite a reaction in the Mahatma’s day, but showed his willingness to go beyond himself and see the world as those around him saw it.

Is it possible for me today, an Irish nationalist, to say “I am a nationalist, a unionist, a republican and a loyalist?” Well, I don’t know…what I do know though is that through the myriad of conversations in which I have been engaged in through the CDPB Fellowship Programme I am beginning to understand my colleague Fellows’ lived experiences better and beginning to see that their lived experience is just as valid as my own.

The kind words that have been spoken to me are, at times, overwhelming. Qualities others have recognised in me fill me with such tremendous ambition! I am beginning to seek out their views on matters I would not necessarily have sought before. It is in these moments of shared ideas, of differing views, of respect and tolerance and genuine interest in each other that we find, as the poet spoke, “the sweetest music two voices can make is not when they sing the same melody but rather when two different refrains come together in close and perfect harmony.”

In this harmony I have found the most exquisite learning and recognition that life does not have to be binary, but rather a third way opens up to us where it is not a question of “You go your way and I’ll go mine” but rather we walk the path together, shoulder to shoulder, walking and talking and learning as we go.

However, someone has to take that first step. At present there are twenty-two Fellows walking and talking together along this third way, and my word if the journey isn’t exciting!

In the final analysis, I have come to understand that it will only be through leading with empathy that we reach a truly sustainable future. The journey we have embarked upon is one like the prince in the story above. We are not pushing our agenda or imparting our views through coercion, fear or overwhelming the other. Rather we are simply learning from each other by being ourselves. Our kind, curious and brave selves. Long may it continue.

Dominic O’Reilly